Books

The Blogg, Well hello my chums. What have I been up to, well just started my 1/4 gigs this week. I was hosting for Breackneck Comedy at Snafu, throuhgly enjoyed it. The headliner was Joe Heenen, he was excellent from the moment he went on to the minute he came off. What else has been happening, i'm studying Shakespear, I know i'm suprised to. I seem to understand it, which is more the worrying. However it bloody tough to compremhend, just like i'm still trying to comprenhend how that ballbag Joe Pasquale still manages to get a auidence. The shakespearen  play that i'm studying is called King Lear, it's not to bad when you get to the crux of it, it's quite good, I would not recommend to read it , unless you have real time on your hands or you have done some kind of lecture on it, or your a boy or girl genuis, as to be honest I have had to read the first chapter 3 times, It wont be to everyones taste, as it is tricky. It reminds me of every time I pick up Lord of the Rings the book, I get one chapter in and think fuck this pish, I just cannot read that book, supposdley it's the best book in the world, but I cannot get into it at all, Well better do my gym work, till next time long live the laughs x

piers morgan

Well woke up this morning to see a smug photo of Piers Morgan, on my facebook, Yip Cunto, Cunty Cuntworth, Cuntslap face. It doe's not matter in what language or turn of phrase, you always arrive back at cunt. What I can't belive is that he still lives and breathes, after putting photos to print off our troops causing brutality to prisoners. That's right he published them, knowing that they were off a false nature. So at one point he's the most hated man in the UK, then around 2 years later. He becomes a judge on Britain Got Talent, or as I would like to call it Britian got Retards. He manages to become Mr Suave again, then soon after that. He doe's interviews for ITV, with celebrieties lives, from Beckham to Barrymore. Now he is off to America, to annoy Jesse Ventura and co. You know what I hope he is enjoying his little paradise, as he will soon meet his maker and there only one place he is going and it's full of brimstone and fire and he can bring all the other bastards with him, like Colonel Gadaffi Duck and Simon Cowell and Tulisla, and Dappy and Alex Salmond. People that make money by manipulating and screwing with other peoples lives for there own gain. I'm sure the devil will be rubbing his hands, when that cunt Piers arrives, as let's face it even god cant save you now Piers Morgan = Total Cunt

Thursday 21st of October KIng Lear and Go Compere

Yesh kebab, with garlic sauce mate, hello again, just thought I would start the blog with something that's more meaty. So what has been happening since I last wrote on my blog, well I went to higher English, were doing King Lear, it's all incest, and murder and lies and deception. Sounds like a night out in Glasgow. However King Lear is pretty good, to be honest. Yes I'm not a lord or a scholar, me in fact I was a bit of a rouge, However I have always yearned for freedom of art expression, it burns like a fire. For example if I had a cup of tea and a biscuit , I would always swerve the custard cream for the viscount. Well joking aside, I have always had the arts in me, as believe it or not always wanted to go and see a Shakespeare play acted out live. Not sure if I would get bored or not, but never know till you try. I have a couple of gigs on the horizon, well 4 to be precise, 2 compere ones, but know what I'm doing now and not let the nerves get to me and be nice, as a compere you are the audiences friend, first and foremost. Babysitting tomorrow my two gruesome twosome , nephews, wonder what they will get up to, mischief no doubt and lots of it,,,,,,,, but hey ho these things you have to do for your loved ones,,,,, well better go, thanks for taking the time to read my blog big kiss x

Thrusday 20th of October x

Another day another blogg, Did a music gig tonight, yes it was tough, they sort of listen but they don't care at the same time. So never done material tonight done some improv. Just went up with american accent and spoke pish, but it's another gig and more stage time. Oh on Tuesday did a gig as Agnes Campbell so she is starting to take off, so writing for 2 charchters which is fun, I basically dress up as a old woman and become Agnes Cambpell , whats great is you get away with murder, as people are scared to be offensive, as they see it as there grandma and it's great fun, best laughs come from improv but your definitely need some good written material behind it. I need to keep wiritng for her though, so trying to create a back story, not like a x- factor story, like my mum has been diagnosed with aids. Funny news story of the day has to come from Scottish news,  A man ran a marathon and came in 3rd, but it has been changed as the winner of the marathon, has had his title revoked as he caught a bus and was found out. Just as welll it was not a Sunday bus, as he would of come in last, in fact he would still be on the bus now, getting peeved off with the driver as he looks for traffic jam after traffic jam, anyway better go as im pooped x

Engery Companies, ?

Excuse me, how much is the energy rising, fucking rip off britian. The govement sit on there ass and continue to do nothing, as they will all be getting a back hander. They probably all have shares in these electric and gas companies. However the message is we should just shop around. How do you do that, were all contracted and say you pick the wrong one. I'm with SSE, Scottish Hydro Electric, there just as bad as N-Power, it's all a great con, maybe Robert Langdon will reprise his roll and find all about it in demons forever, the story of how we all got ripped off for the last 50 years from the electric and gas companies. I mean i'm pretty sure that Tomas Eddison created electricty his plan was to give electirc to the masses, not to charge a arm and a leg for the resource of light. I don't kow who invented gas, i'm thinking a german. Anyway we have to suffer as the fat cats make more money, well I hope these fat cats choke on there milk, be great if they got up to heaven and God, charged them for letting them through the gates and for anything they touched, It would be great if the almighty set up a paymnet plan for them, for monthly payments and sent through a estimated bill for what they were owe him for there time in divinty, and if they could not keep up the payments, straight to hell,,,,, what would a fat cat hell be like, back on earth, late payments, goverment intervention and each week a profit graph that shows a decreasing downward slope ,,, ye wanks

13th of Ocotober ,,,,,,,,,,,, Charchter Comedy and Braveheart x

Another day , another blogg, Like Oily Muirs my heart skipped a beat tonight, as thought my payment never went through. That would of been a absoulte nightmare. I have a gig tomorrow and I am trying out charchter comedy for the second time. First time was a ned charchter and thought it was terrible, I think it was a good idea, however the material was not there at all, tomorrow I will be going as a BLANK, sorry folks don't want to ruin the suprise. What i'm going to do is myself and the material I had written for the Stand then the other cahrchter. I went to Asda tonight and the night team were on, I reckon the guys were called George or Frank and the women were called Mavis or Pam, not sure why the names spring to mind, but thats who they look like, probaly more chance of getting the job if you were a Mavis or a Frank. Nightime in Asda is weird just random stoners walking about with a 10 pack of Smiths squares, and a frijj, choclate obvsiouly drolling at the prospect of mixing the two together for a taste exploision. Also there are married couples, cant think why that would be exciting, fancy foreplay the night love , nah were going to Asda, see thats why i'm not married. Watched Bravehaeart last night , very good if your Scottish, I know Mel Gibson does not sound very scottish and that there are more inaccuarcies in this fiilm than can be seen in Gladitor, however push that to the side and you have a film that makes you love your country a little more. Maybe if the dictators of Africa and Libya had one about there country they would stop mudering there own people and starving them etc... and the world can be a more gentle and loving place ,,,,,,,, till the morn night people x

Well , be coming down the road, when you hear of the noise of the tartan armys boys, yadda yadda so and so forth. We tried and failed badly, hmmmm cause we went with no strikers to Czech, that makes as much sense as going into battle without the horses in the 14th centrury. Bloody daft, why would you not play strikers, goals wins games , and you need a striker, that's common sense. Ach well done now were out of the Football, Rugby and every other sport, no wait we have cycling, pointless bloody sport. Watching the cycling is as invigorating as watching the x-factor on red bull and vodka. I had a gig at the Stand Comedy Club and it went well, so got offered some other slots, which is nice as I work very hard at producing comedy. Nothing else much to report, not really checked the news, but presuming it's all doom and gloom, recession this, a 17 year high unemploymnet, (only just heard that just now, as the news just come on). Going to watch something tonight, not sure. I think it might be Braveheart, yes it's inacurrate, and lots of mistakes,,,,,,,,,,,,, but the message is clear, love honour and want more for your country xxx

GIG IN EDINBRUGH

Well hello, yeah last night was crazy had two comedy gigs, One at the Stand and one at the Beehive in Edinbrugh. The Stand was very good the Beehive I was more subdued, and fatigued. I met Daniel Sloss and Joe Heenen, who were both great laughs, The green room was good fun. I cant seem to stop wanting to take a leak, before I go on stage. Not sure if i'm drinking to much water or is just the nerves. What made the gig better this time round was the car journey, what a great laugh in the car with the comedians. I had a nightmare on the way home, I put a hour onto the journey as went to Livingston, see that's the thing with driving in Edinbrugh one worng turn and your in the brown stuff, sort of the same analogy as going down on your woman. Just got up and I am shattered, so not much else to write for now. So this blogg today will be quite short and sweet, like my lollipop lady x

Sunday 9th October, X-Factor

Right Ok, what the fuck is going on with x-factor, what the hells is going on. How can you take people lives and play with them. Tonight was worng in every sense of the word. Not so much about who got through. More the fact of the maniuplation of taking people and putting them through it. I think this will be the worst x-factor to date. I am so glad I decided to sky+, this. I tried to watch 16 singers that to be honest I could not be bothered to watch in the first place. However like most it's my guilty pleasure such as watching 40+ on televesion x, the last part is a joke. Anyway all you can hear is the same bloody comments , your going to be one to watch in the competition, your the best of the night, i'm going to take a chance on him. All they went on about was the bloody personality , looks and image. What about the singing, though. How did Jhonny go through, he can't sing, a bloody note. I'm not sure if I can watch 12 weeks of this, I feel joe public are going to feel the same. Also Tulisa is a total cunt, I mean a total cunt. Even during the judges house, she split up a boyband group and formed her supergroup, but what of the guys she dunted............. On another note I did a x-factor at Fraserbrugh , this gig is mental, however worth doing. There was one guy that did one joke and walked off, however it;s a bar enviornment. It's going to be tough and takes us out of the comfort zone, and into the cast of 300, as every time I go out there, i quote tonight we dine in hell, and its bloody hard but hell tastes so good

Saturday 8th of October

Hello my bloggy chums and gals, not enough happening in the news, so i'm going to go on about my motivation for the gym. I cannot be bothered with it, it's so dull. Don't get me wrong, once im there and get into it, I feel good like James Brown good. It's just getting there, is the problem. I have to give myself a bloody 3 hour window to get there. I watched Man on Fire, no not the youtube clip of John Smeaton punching a burning terriost in the face, but the awful Man on Fire with Denzil Washington and director Tony Scott, who somehow likes to throw the film about like a caught fish, the camera angles swings from angle to angle , that you get to the point of feeling sea sick. What is the story about, you have to wait 30 minutes to see a girl swimming in competitions and wining, then a uncomfortable Denzil Washington getting aqquainted with her a little to much. Why is Christopher Walken there to make up the numbers. I had a bloody migrane by the end of this film so much that if a woman said to me, I cant have sex tonight I have a migrane, I would say yeah right what have you been doing that causes a migrane , and she replied tried to watch 40 mins of Man on Fire, I would say fair point, can I get you some aspirin

off to the brock to do a gig out there, Fraserbrugh, buzzing like a 14 year old child with a tin of lighter fluid. Speak the morn

Peter

OCTOBER 7th

Hello, after a resbite from my blogg, its back as my writing is getting lazy, Mind I do comedy so it's going to be random and a little dark , mix it with mental health and a angry man, that is up and down as much as Kerry Katona diet regime,..   So please take the time to read and understand that this is wrttien in around ten mins, but stick with it and im sure you will bere entertained

What a week it's been 10 years of the UK being figiting in Afgahnastan and so far we have removed one main taliban leader and a lot of lost lives for Mr George Bush, he created the war and then left goverment and we pick up the pieces. The founder of apple has died this week, Steve Jobbs shook me right to the core, speaking of apples do you think Micheal Jackson would still be alive today if he ate more apples, as a apple a day keeps the murdering doctor at bay. Also Wayne Rooneys father has been accused of match fixing, on a hearts and motherwell game, supposdley Steve Jennings got sent off on purpose and there was a lot of bets in the Liverpool area,  a lot of people can't belive that Wayne Ronneys dad is involved in illegal betting, I still cant get into my head why anyone in this world would watch Scottish Football, thats is as painful as watching the Alan Titchmarsh Show on ITV, I still belive this is a secret goverment incentive to get the unemployed back to work, as no one wants to watch this gash

Till the morn x