Welcome to my first blog

Week 1 

• I was at the doctor's. I  went to the doctor's for a STD kit, just for the 3 month check up. I asked the lady at the reception if she had a kit, I'm not sure, however I will ask everyone in reception. Do we do the STD kits, not sure let's ask Alice, while were here let's ask the night shift cleaners, maybe we should accompany him to his first date and ask her, while were here let's ask if his grandma if she knows. After all that pa lava and the fact that my face turned so red, it was practically purple. I looked like a bloody Ribena Berry, the only part that was missing was the woohhhhooo. The older receptionist came through and said we don't do them here as all we would be doing is the STD test. I mean the bloody cheek, that's right as after clerical in the job description it Say's bloody STD test. I think you will find that you don't bloody do them, the lab does them. So glad I didn't say my name. Hopefully they won't recognise me. Probably said who would have sex with him. He is so ill mannered. No imagine he was your son in law, I would throttle him, Pain in the ass e's. I tell you without sounding sick. They fair treat you like shite, when you are in the Doctors. Bloody soulless the lot of them. It's right across the country. If these women were part of the gestapo, instead of 1,2,3 we would of been saying eins, swei, drie Hitler.

• Tuesday night was the night of the topical material at Snafu. I was thrown on first. However don't really mind to much when you are put on. Before the gig I had beans on toast. Not the meal I would of chosen, just bloody skint. Worse of all was that I forgot that I had no butter, so I had to eat the beans with bland toast. Not recommend it was like eating dry sandpaper. Anyway back to the gig. I practiced my material in the shower, with the broken microphone I have. Not sure if I should use that in the shower. It looks like it's leaking copper. I also stand in front of the kitchen window. Glad no one can see me then I walk down to the gig. I always buy a bar of chocolate before the gig. However my stomach was sore this time round, proabaly due to the lack of food. So I just bought a fudge, I was going to buy two but thought that would be greedy. The compere had enterd the stage and just like clockwork I needed a come on shite. No idea why I always need a shite before a gig. I used to feel like this before I took ecstasy. So the compere announces me on stage. I walk to the stage confident take out the mike. Try to pause and watch my accent etc.. However when it's game time it's hard to remember these little things. I done well the Sheen and Libya material went down well. The promoter says well done. So i'm very happy. I go and wait for the bus and flag down the bus and the guy just drives by me. I am raging, I run all the way to the stop. I say hey why did you not stop he says that the bus doe's not stop there. The whole bus is laughing. Only me that would stand at the wrong bloody bus stop