- Tulisa Constovials, constatine I'll have a constant please carol, the girl from the x-factor has a new man. She was rumoured to be sleeping with Mark Wright from TOWIE fame?. However Tulisa tweeted, Why am I suppose to be banging every man I meet. I have not shagged Mark Wright, (what a treasure). I mean all this mud slinging from the press, she not got enough N Dubz.
- Cheryl Cole is making a come back. with her new album in the can, in the bin more like. It is rumoured that she will have a chat show for the BBC, for a reported, 75,000 salary, they should devote some of that money to subtitles, as trying to make out what Cheryl is saying is like trying to decipher what Sly Stalone says after a bottle of vodka.She was also out living it up in swanky London. She tweeted, Should I leave my bag with a sobna friend....... imagine calling your mum a bag.
- Kerry Coketona was on This Morning, trying on a Big Fat Gypsy (if the shoe fit's) wedding dress. She told Philip and Holly. My main concern with this dress is going to the toilet. Wow Kerry, even when she has a wedding she is still concerned with how much people you can fit into the cubicle to snort coke.
- Bought a car from Cheap as Chips, David Dickson, within a week the head gasket blew, Dicksons Raw Deal.
- Russel Bland, throws I phone through a window in America. In his defence he made a quip about the I-phones inventor Steve Jopps and making a tribute to his memory. What a cheap shot at Apple's creator, struck me right to the core. Russel Brand is still trying to get over his divorce to Katy Perry, aww did it blow , hot and cold.
- One Direction have conquered the States, There album is set to be number 1, if they have a number one, in the American charts, they would of succeeded the Beatles. Showing that how shit the charts are!. The Beatles were around 60 years. One direction 6 minutes............ 15,000 fans turned up to see them. However no child catcher, grrrrrr
- Doctor Who, who you ask well Matt Smith that's who, is smitten with, Karren Gillian they have been spotted in hugs and kisses and even sharing a cheeky burger king. You got it your way at BK you got it. Good to see it's not just me that take's my dates to Burger King. Karen Gillina doe's like a wee drinky poos. infact Karen Gillan got so hammered that she ended up in a corridor , crying and naked. Wonder if she was singing Total Eclispe of the Heart, all the women I used to know used to sing that when they were drunk.
- JLO, or Supercun* of a Cun*. Has a body double of a man, doe's the body double pull the same Diva fit's as that cun*, probably. She had her boyfreind, soon to be husband number 124. Pop doughnuts into her mouth, as she could not get any sugar on her popstar fingers. I mean god forbid, worlds MVP (most vaulable player) would get sugar on her. I mean talk about one hand feed the other, in her case, just a get a guy that is half your age and wollah.
- Cher Llyod, Cheryl Cole clone, almost identical, apart from I can understand Cher Llyods accent. Is not a happy puppy, she just moved into her million pound house. As soon as she moved her parents have turned her room into a dinning room. Hmmmm, I think they must believe that she is going to be in her opinion the next Madonna. I don't think they realise how shit she really is, Mr and Mrs Llyod. Don't go renovation just yet, she could be back any minute.
- Jessica Simpson has fairly put on the beef. Yes I know she is preggers. However that's not a bun in the oven that's the whole bakery and then some. She must be eating like a Susan Boyle (pig)
- Danielle Llyod woke up in a pool of blood, why be swimming in a pool of blood. No her implants had burst, yes that's right her boobs were not real, not any of them. They looked real to me. No the fun bags were not. She says and I quote that I feel like a 12 year old boy, Now Danielle Paedophilia is not the way to go
- Jordan AKA Katie the price is right, I'll deal for that story. Has been warned by a Surgeon that she cannot carry on having fillers for her lips, or they will go rock hard. She looked like a duck, she is a duck, Let's look at the facts, She puts her head down for periods of time, She can't get enough of bread ie. money. And she is effing quackers.
- Jenifer Anstion (Black Widow). Has been in and out of love, more times than the whole cast and crew of sex and the city. She meets a man, has a few dates, then it's all hooped. What is this woman doing wrong. I think she is clique. I mean people like there cuddles and stuff. But I think she is the sort of a woman that you take home and say. Your in bed and next thing you know. I would do a 3some to keep you happy, or Hey Jen you got kids, Nope I have never been blessed.......... Cya Jenifer , x Or as Ross Geller would say Oh Boy.
- Britney Spears, yes mother of the year 2012. Says that her hair is so damaged that it just falls out in clumps. Maybe you should go and speak to your hairdresser. No wait that's you.... Infact just leave it to grow, you Nut job. Ever think in 5 years Britney will be the new Cascada (happy hardcore chick)
- Jessie J is about to start her new career in the BBC flagship show. The Voice, she is reported to be earning a six figure figure after she refused a five figure, as for Jessie J, it's not about the money, money ,money. For anyone that doesn't know about the premise of the voice. Basically there are 4 judges and they pick the singers based on there voice. So after they have been selected, it's just a singing show. Yes think fame academy but without Nigel Lightow and some big red chairs, so bollocks then, to right
- GILF NOT, Madonna, has cut her arms, and sadly not her throat. From rehersals. Madge as she likes to be called should be slowing down. Instead of jumping around like a mum that has got pissed at the bingo and got a St Andrews cross win. She even posted the photos of her cut lip, saying ow and oh, here's one you missed Madge, Whhhoo give's a fuc*
- Posh Spice or VB, has been helping Eva Lonoria's man hunt. As Eva would like to date another sportsman. So has called on BFF, to help her snare a man. VB to Eva, just get a man that kicks a ball, ask's no questions and is dumb as dogshit, Eva but you already have David Beckham.
- Lastly Britain has more fuckin* reatards from the glue factory. No I'm no on it this year. Yes it's that time of the year, when Simon needs a new chin, Aleshia needs more money, Wallams need more excuses to be not funny and Amanda needs new cheek bones. Britain has got talent, however we would rather show, a man with a very big beard, a jumping dog and someone that can consume 10 or more jaffa cakes up his arse
See you Soon
Love
From
Peter Wood
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