- Jeremey Clarkson is in the news slagging metrosexuals, yes men that look after themselves. OR is it the mere thought of the word Metro (really old car). Clarkson states men should be men. Wait il'l get my stag horns, we can tussle on the lawn, knowing Jeremy. He probably shoots stags. Clarkson being men of men. Still gets thrills with playing with cars and blowing things up. Most men grow out of that when they stop coming home with grass stains on there knees. What a tit!. Oh and if you would like the right to complain to Clarkson, you will find him at his mate DAVE. As doe;s a bear shit in the woods, Does Andy Gray like Super Sundays, Doe's the Spar/Nisa/Co-op like a queue, Does Dave like Top Gear.
- On the pages of the press this morning is Grodon Ramsay and his LEEKed sex tape. Was it in the Kitchen, When his wife found out, she went mad, screaming divorce. That would be a hot potato if his wife found out. His goose would of been well and truly cooked. He swears more times than Eddie Murphy, when he was shagging MEL B. I'm on about the morning, What the FUc* was I doing, Fuc*, Fuc* , Fuc*, why MEL B. Mr Ramsay having sex would be more foul language than would be found in a Adult Channel 1am commercial. Everyone seems to releasing sex tapes, it's not taboo anymore. They only tape that I want to hear about celebs is gaffa tape.
- Justin Bieber is in hot water, should be a cauldron after he has been desiccated,. He thought it would be funny to tell everyone to call this number. However he forgot to check if people acutally had this number. And we all know Americana's favourite girls name is SUE. Bieber ye wee scamp, what next a botched pregnancy. Did you know in 2010 that he was almost arrested for hitting a policeman with a water bomb. If only he did and then we could of got a re- enactment of Rodney King, We can live and hope
- You can now bet on Wrestlemania at the Ladbrokes....... I think betting shops are the con of man and let's not be Jermey clarkson IE sexist con of women. I think the clue is in the title. LAD BROKE.. As I know a few gamblers. No I'm not on about the guys that go bareback in Thailand. I mean people that have lost lots of money. I bet the guy in the gay spandex wins, if not the big guy with baby oil and steroids.
- Frankie from the Saturdays is depressed.... For anyone that doe's not know the Saturdays. It's a girl group that is not as good or as popular as Girls Aloud. But god there triers. They release a single, more times that I lose a flipping sock. i.e every other week. There almost as desperate as Step's. Least they could dance. Now let me see if I can remember there names there was Scott. Lisa, , Claire and H, No not rimmer from Red Dwarf, mind you he was gay so you could call him rimmer). ..... Now let's take time to feel sorry for Frankie as she is depressed. How can we cheer her up, find her a man, buy her a cake. No it's OK, she dosent' need any of that. She has just appeared on the front page of Glamour and has another sexy shoot in Zoo. Oh well maybe people that are depressed don't need any anti depressants, we just need a cover shoot. Go Figure
- Tax has went through the roof, now the government have decided to tax, pies, and sausage rolls. Yes that's right give the oil company's some tax relief and tax all bugger else. Who ate all the pies, Who ate all the pies, you fat bastard with the higher based salary, you ate all the pies.
- Lately the biggest event of the world is about to kick off, no not the execution of the Spice Girls. The Olympics. London has been gearing up for them, since Lord Cole got his hole, Let's face that how he got them, he shagged some delegate.Personally I'm not really looking forward to them. Eussain Bolt, will be the big draw, however if you drop your tax ridden sausage roll , by the time you have picked it up that will be over. Unless you can pick it up in around 9.58 seconds, event over.
- We do have the swimming which will be comical, as if the droughts go on. Looks like there will be a water ban. Although to be honest it would be funny to watch a dry pool swim. Without sounding to hack, Do you think Micheal Barrymore would of wished for a drought, March 2001! Then we have Also I bought a wispa gold the other day and it said keep Team GB pumped, yeah I would pump most of them. Apart from the long distance runners that have a chest like a table. I would not know to feel her top half. Or to just rest my dinner up there.
See you again next week
For all things newsworthy
Have a lovely Week
I wouldn't but Pete Wood x
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