Spinning the news x

Last night I was down in Edinburgh doing @ the Shack Comedy club. It should of went better, but ended up speaking about my peppercorn sauce rash, which is really getting on my tit's, literally. Learnt a lot but need to lose the self awarness and have more fun. Coming home from the Shack, I thought I was in a epilouge of Evil Dead. I could not see anything. I thought it was a foghorn that I heard. But then I realised it was the Dundee accent!.
      My car broke down and I was lay by at the garage. Asked the guy at the garage if he had any coolant, he spent 10 minutes looking for it, come back and said "No we don't have any coolant". Then this guy helps me with the car says you need coolant. Asks the garage attendant if he has Antifreeze, guy said yeah we do. I was like that is bloody coolant, as everyone knows antifreeze is coolant!!!, Apart from a man that works in the garage and people say there is not enough irony in this world. Just as well I never asked him for a double decker (choc bar), he would of come back with a bus. 
   Macaulay Culkin is looking gaunt and unwell, like he has been stung by a bee if anyone remembers and dies's in my girl. If only he was allergic to bee stings, I would planting  a big plot of sunflowers at Makuly CUlkins garden. Funny how is he now detorationg quicker than Scotland's Six Nations hopes.  Micheal Jackson and Mackuly Culkkin became good friends, MJ, couldn't wait to introduce himself when he found out a minor was home alone. 
    In other news Lady Ga Ga, goes topless for her promo for her new tour. She plans to tour the whole of the US, with a stop in a state called Tennesee. Once she has arrived it will be called Pennisesee. Which people will be saying yeah I did and it was gross.